Project Alicia : Children + Neighbors = Drama

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Children + Neighbors = Drama

I am at a wedding dinner when I receive a phone call from a neighbor.

“I hate to interrupt your date, but your son has been tying boys up and locking them in the tree house and telling them they have to remove their pants if they want out. Torture was done away with in this country.”

I apologized profusely and assured her it would never happen again.

I had to excuse myself to the restroom to collect myself.

After dinner I was still angry and it dawned on me. I wasn’t angry because of what she was accusing my kid of. I was angry because I was so quick to agree. I instantly sold my kid out.

How did she know what had happened in our tree house? Her accusations were based on one allegation. There is a window that they could climb out to the deck. My child is also the tiniest of them all. Is he really capable of tying them up and holding them against their will?

Just two weeks ago there were several boys in our front yard and they were tying each other up. I told them to knock it off several times and then had to take the rope away. I am not 100% convinced this was my son’s idea and all were willing participants.

My kids are far from perfect. They make mistakes all the time. I also know that kids will be kids. As an adult I understand this.

I guess my beef is the fact that parents would resort to tattling as a solution. It just seems so middle school to me.

I’m not sure what happened. I was watching them, but didn’t witness the things he was accused of. We questioned Little Man and he denied most of it. We collected as many facts as possible and then took a visit to our neighbor’s house.

I was not prepared for the outcome. Both boys were accusing him of these acts. It was clearly two against one and our son was lying.

Sigh.

Parenting is so exhausting.

And the drama that accompanies it is even more exhausting.

I have a child that is socially broken. He can’t get along with others, is mean and hurtful, makes ridiculous choices, and then lies about them.

What now?

Before I close I just want to thank Gigi from http://fiveamazingminutes.blogspot.com/. Yesterday I read her Friday Flip-offs. Not only did it provide some much needed laughs, it allowed me a forum to release some of my built up angst when I felt I couldn’t on my own blog. I don’t know if I will snag this idea or not, but it’s definitely worth checking it out. Brilliant!

Update (since I first wrote this):
Little Man wrote two letters of apology, one to each boy. He also spent the entire day in a time out at home.

He said he was sorry for being mean, for being a bad friend, and for telling them to pull their pants down.

Noone was tied up.

No pants were actually pulled down. He said that after the other two boys took their shirts off (which was not Little Man's idea).

There is a fine line between making too big a deal of things and making sure that lessons are learned and consequences provided.

I'm not sure where this falls, but I would really like to have a mom break about now. I have way too much other crap on my plate and this is just yet another annoying thing weighing me down.

4 comments:

  1. This sounds like a frustrating situation. Some days when I'm having a rough baby day, I wish Cohen was just an 8 year old because I feel like I could deal with that better. But then I instantly realize-every age has its difficulties. Sounds like you handled the situation very ethically. I don't know if I'd be the same way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think it is so cool that you stopped to ask why you were upset after that phone call. Too often we just keep going without really figuring out what happened. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job and I commend you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for the kind remarks. Parenting is... (insert deep sigh here) VERY exhausting!!

    Wouldn't it be great if kids came with instruction manuals and a money back guarantee? (Haha, j/k)

    ReplyDelete
  4. You should have come to my girls night out eh? I hate parents that tattle. My son got his thumb stomped by a girl at school and it took all that I had in me to not make that mother aware. I know she didn't do it on purpose but we spent a day at the doctor and then had to have repeat xrays. An apology would have been nice. oh well. Guess it just comes with being mommy! I just hope that I can keep laughing it off!

    ReplyDelete