Project Alicia : Damaged Goods.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Damaged Goods.

I’ve been wallowing in self pity.

After visiting the gastroenterologist and the dermatologist I’ve concluded that I am merely damaged goods. And I’m ready to trade in this body, preferably for a younger model.

Aging sucks. There I said it.

So, several years ago now I had to have a couple pre-cancerous moles removed. One was caught right before it became melanoma. The other, a suspicious looking one that was removed as a precautionary measure. That pesky mole was in the worst possibly location and hurt like the dickens for months and it took a good full year to heal.

What I thought would be just an annual checkup turned into something much more today as I laid there in my birthday suit, the magnifying glass pressing against every square inch of my skin. The tone changed from routine to serious in minutes.

“You have had a stage 4 something or other (can’t remember the term) and we need to be more aggressive.” Before I left the office I had to have 2 more moles removed for a grand total of $378. The more serious ones are scheduled for next week. Then more to follow. Thank the Lord for insurance.

They are mysterious moles, as they appear out of nowhere for no apparent reason and turn into demon marks almost immediately. You know, the kind that have to be cut out of your body. Before long I'll have a road map of scars.

You might be thinking I’ve had a life of excessive sun exposure, which is definitely not the case. As a child I was a hermit. I never left the house. Good thing too because those were pre-sunscreen days when moms sent their kids out to be scorched.

There have been a couple winters where S.A.D. has gotten the best of me and my doctor encouraged some sun therapy. On those long sunless stretches I did expose my body to some damaging UVA radiation.

I’ve been beating myself up trying to determine if this is the sole reason for my curse. But my dermatologist assured me that friction and heredity both definitely play a part. So, thanks Dad for this fair German skin.

I asked if there was some magic pill I could take to make them stop appearing or if there was some way to make them go away without leaving giant holes. No and no.

Magic cures do not exist and therefore, I must take them as they come and try to do everything in my power to prevent anymore. And to let my voice be heard.

Do you know the ABCs of moles?


Asymmetry can be assessed by comparing one half of the growth to the other half to determine if the halves are equal in size. Unequal or asymmetric moles are suspicious.


If the mole's border is irregular, notched, scalloped, or indistinct, it is more likely to be cancerous (or precancerous) and is thus suspicious.


Variation of color (e.g., more than one color or shade) within a mole is a suspicious finding. Different shades of browns, blues, reds, whites, and blacks are all concerning.


Any mole that has a diameter larger than a pencil's eraser in size (> 6 mm) should be considered suspicious.


If a mole is elevated, or raised from of the skin, it should be considered suspicious.

Make sure to get checked annually! If you haven't yet, don't wait.

Unfortunately my skin is not my only challenge I’m dealing with. My visit to the gastro specialists sent my head spinning… tests and more tests and a scope? I’ll know more next week. Wish me luck on my joyous week ahead filled with not so pleasant procedures.

I know I should be counting my lucky stars I don’t have cancer and that I have good doctors that take care of me. I know I have much to be thankful for and that there are so many worse things I could be dealing with, but for now I’m going to go back to my wallowing- ‘cause I’m not done yet.

NY can’t come soon enough.


  1. Oh my goodness, I LOVE the look of your blog! Absolutely adorable!

    This is a great post.
    Luckily, I don't have many moles... so it would be pretty obvious if something unusual was going on.

    Following your cute blog! ;)

  2. I have been really worried about many of my freckles but haven't gone to the derm. in YEARS. I need to. I am fair-skinned too and grew up in the tropics. I've noticed some lately that fit your points, so going to call today. Thanks.
    Thanks for visiting my blog, love yours and now a follower!

  3. Thanks for joining the discussion at SITS! I am glad you got your moels looked at...getting old does stink! I LOVE your header...and you sucked me in with your witty posts! Following you now! Loved the puberty talk! Oh my word! am NOT looking forward to that!

  4. all I have to say! I'm sooo sorry to hear all this crap rain down on you in one day... esp. while you're in your bday suit. Oyee Veh.

    I don know the ABC's, but a little brushing up is never bad.My dad, too, is 100% German. Thanks a lot, right?

    I got a "full body scan" last month... and all the things I freaked out about wound be checking out "okay". 1/2 of me didn't believe the doc, though!

    THanks soo much for signing into my Blog. You're the bomb. Going to look for your Friend Connect and RSS right now, sistah.

    Keep us posted!

    Hugs, Kat

  5. 2cents from a monkey.......ready (a green one no less)

    37? right???
    definitely > 50, right??? (that ">" is the "less than" sign, right?)

    well sits sister...I'm 50!

    on my 50th birthday I did a wine induced cartwheel and "pulled something" I refuse to except what the doctors say it is - lets just say that I can no longer do cartwheels.

    I also can't jump on a trampoline without wetting myself.


    HEY...did you say melanoma? GOT IT!!! big one on my back and one on my forehead - my forehead scare blends in with my wrinkles.

    lots of dull non melanoma's as well.

    Thanks for admitting you're BAD! and thanks for feeding my habit.

  6. Thanks for the love, girls. Totally lifted my spirits.

    Shannon (green monkey)- totally wet myself while doing jump rope at the gym today... is this the beginning of the end??

  7. That sucks in a HUGE nasty way. I'm so sorry. You are doing the world a favor by writing about your journey with this, thank you for the education. I really appreciate your honesty.

    The look of your blog is fantastic, I want it! I also want your camera.

    And look, you're over 20 followers! ;)

  8. I agree - aging sucks!! I hope that you don't have to be poked and prodded too much more :( I have these re-occuring moles on my back. I have it removed & in 2 or 3 years it will pop up again somewhere else on my back. Luckily, they are flat & round but I don't understand them! Thank you for following me - I love your blog & am doing the same :) Good luck on your upcoming appts.

  9. Hey there SITStah -

    I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this! Especially the whole 'in your birthday suit' part - shudder. This story reminds me of the girl my brother is dating, she recently had some moles removed and one of them is questionable. She has had sun poisoning at least once a summer for most of her life! And you know what? She doesn't even care. She told him so. I shudder to think!

    Anyway, thank you for the information back there. I'm sure you're helping at least one person by posting that, and that's amazing!

    Good luck to you throughout this!

    PS now following - you have so many more followers than you mentioned today on the blogfrog convo! :-)