Project Alicia : "I've had a few wet dreams..."

Friday, April 02, 2010

"I've had a few wet dreams..."

were not the words I expected from my 10 year old son’s mouth today.

Pokey and Little Man walked home from school after a half day. My morning was hectic- housework, workout, errands, etc. I wasn’t even showered when they walked through the door. He immediately started firing question after question. Supposedly it was the combined boy/girl puberty video at school today which I knew nothing about… AGAIN!

“Why do girls where pads?

“Why does your thing (referring to penis) do this?" (finger motion up)

“When will my voice get crackly?” (I want it to be like Michael Jackson's)

“Will this happen over night?”

“Why do girls get large breasts?”(as he looked at mine)

Then came the doosey that made my heart stop for a brief second…

“I’ve had a few wet dreams in the last couple days.”

Inwardly thinking I might just die and outwardly trying to be as cool as humanly possible to avoid scarring my kid in any way- I knew I had to choose my words carefully, after all he wanted to talk to ME about this. I took a deep breath and smiled, “Oh, that’s pretty normal. Nothing to worry about.”

This is not the sort of thing in the mom handbook. I am not ready for this. Did I mention he is ten?

I never want my children to feel like they can’t come to me with any sort of question and I never want them to feel weird about their body or their sexuality.

I just didn’t expect these sort of questions yet, not today…. and without any warning! That’s just not the way my mind works best. I’m not good at spewing off witty intelligent blurbs entirely impromptu under pressure. With my luck I’ll say the wrong thing and he will end up on Springer blaming me for his screwed up life.

To quote my niece, "...this is why I am leaning towards boarding school. I don't know what to do with a kid past age six. They start asking questions that I don't know how to answer and needing guidance that I don't feel equipped to give. I don't like the "tell them the whole truth" method of parenting because those kids always seem snooty and overly-mature for their age. On the opposite end of the spectrum, sheltered kids always seem to wear pull-ups until they're 10 and be overly affectionate, which makes me uncomfortable." You can read more of her hilarious post here.

They are growing up too fast and sometimes I just long for my babies back.

If you have followed my blog you may remember my mushy mom moment before school last year- reminiscing about days gone by entirely too fast. Or the last puberty video I knew nothing about when he came home from school talking about testicles and ejaculation, among other things.

I tried my very best to let it roll off and we enjoyed an afternoon together making our bunny pops. (They proved to be just as messy as dying eggs, just easier to clean up. But they are darling and delicious. The kids did great. Pics to come later.)

Then I watched this video…

video

and tears streamed down my face and I bawled like a big baby. "The Gift of an Ordinary Day" by Katrina Kenison. Very touching. (Pause music on the bottom of blog.)

Make sure to cherish every moment- even the tedious, hectic days- because before you know it they will be gone and you won't be able to get them back.

7 comments:

  1. lolololol. The title did me in. I almost wonder if he isn't really having them, but thinks they are something else. Even after the puberty videos I still didn't know what half of the stuff was or thought I did but was mistaken. Like you said he is 10. But I'm not an expert on male puberty. I commend you for keeping a straight face and keeping it cool. Way to go, mom. and now I'm going to go back to my laughing. lolololol

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  2. wow...that is risky sharing this info....conner might hate you if he sees it! haha. agree with anna lisa though, VERY funny.

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  3. Yes, he might kill me... but just as momentous for me as it is for him. And I'm still not convinced he knows what that is.

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  4. Hi there! I found you thanks to my Google Alert--and I'm so glad I did! All I can say, is wait till the day when you open the little pink box your son made in fifth grade, the box that sits on his desk in his room, and that has always held dice and quarters and gum and CrazyBones and Skittles. . .and there is a condom in it,. . .These moments sneak up and grab us when we least expect them. Thanks so much for posting my video at the end of this wonderful essay. I'm honored to be in your fine company. Good luck! More challenges to come!

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  5. Ten you say? Sheesh. I have been sneaking information about puberty to my 11-almost-12 but didn't think I needed to say anything to my 9 yr old yet.

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  6. I haven't had a chance to read through all of your recent blogs yet, but you literally made me laugh out loud at work with this one. I'll be coming back to catch up sometime!

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  7. Okay so I'm one of your newest followers and I have spend more than a few hours reading around you blog. But this one at first I was laughing because even my five and three year old have asked me some questions that I have no idea how to answer. I'm a little worried about the questions to come but I'm sure I will be okay. Then I played the video which by the way I have watched two or three time already and everytime I find myself fall to pieces and I sneak a big squishy hug as my boys call them. It's so hard because you want them to grow but at the same time you want them to be little for ever. I'm having an emotional day you see my first born is going to be entering kindergarden this fall and although I'm very excited for him I find myself feeling a little (okay, more than a little) sad then to top it all off my baby is going to start preschool then again very happy for him but at the same time sad because for a little while I will be by myself and after being a stay home mom for almost six years it kind of feels weird to know there won't be a little person following me around. I need to get it together because my boys are so excited about their new stages of life. BTW my oldest son saw the post about the frogs and told me "see that mom lets her kids have frogs in their house...that's AWESOME" He loves animals any kind of animals and if I let him he would have a zoo.

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