Project Alicia : I said I'd never do this...

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

I said I'd never do this...

But here goes nothin. I've always considered the intimate details of my kid’s births to be just that-- intimate. I’ve shared it with family and a few friends, but never publicly and especially not on my blog. But as Little Man's birthday rolls around this year I find myself reminiscing back to those moments prior to his entrance.

Those circumstances changed the course of my life in many ways. When you have a near death experience it really makes you stop and ponder your life. And prioritize. It made me realize just how fragile life is. I didn’t want to work full time and miss out on any of the moments in his life. So, I quit and never looked back. It is that exact reason that I have decided to suck it up and do this Washington trip. Although it could be miserable, it could also be the most amazing adventure yet. And I want to soak up every minute with my little ones while I can.

Little Man was not an easy feat coming into the world (and definitely hasn't been a walk in the park since). Doctors don’t like to listen to a newbie pregnant woman and besides, “pregnant women used to hang off of ships and chip paint, so get over yourself” which was a direct quote from my doctor who I never saw again after that visit. Problem was there weren’t many better options in terms of doctors and you never end up with who you want anyhow.

Over the course of Little Man’s 24+ hour labor, I had two different doctors due to a shift change. I had 8 hours of “blowing out candles” all while puking my brains out, having blood pressure spikes of 190 and 210, seeing swirly signs, and NO epidural because I was unable to communicate in the state I was in. At one point I remember thinking, “This is it. This is how I will die.” Then miraculously enough I was finally told I could push. I gave it everything I had and then some, which turned out to be a blessing.

While giving it that one last push I had a seizure and stopped breathing. Little Man was still in utero. They paged code blue and sent all family away.

I woke up in ICU a couple days later and was shown the picture of my 8 ½ pound bundle of joy that I was not convinced was mine.

Little Man was also sent to NICU after a scary emergency entry into this world and very low apgar score, among other things. That extra push probably saved us, as they were able to vacuum suction him out quickly. The alternatives could have been risky for one or both of us.

I had to have two blood transfusions before I could even hold him. After multiple scans and tests it was determined that I had eclampsia. They quite possibly could have learned this sooner had they even once listened to my concerns.

This, of course, is the condensed, diluted version and luckily time seems to both lessen the memory and dull the pain. A miraculous healer - that time.

So Little Man, you have a special place in my heart. I might not be doing any fancy scrapbook page or party this year, but I am thankful for this opportunity I have to reflect on your life and the impact that it has had on me over these last 11 years.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane...

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At each stage of your life I have thoroughly enjoyed watching your insatiable thirst for knowlege. Your mind is a mystery to me, problem solving and processing numbers like mine never will. You have always had a love of nature, even since birth. And your tender heart still weeps at the thought of an injured creature, even the smallest of bugs. Your passion for soccer, endless energy, and attention to detail make you who you are.

I am so blessed to be your mother. I enjoy seeing the world from your perspective and look forward to watching you continue to grow into a young man.

Happy Birthday, Little Man.

24 comments:

  1. Oh Lish, this post is so beautiful! So sorry to hear that your doctor didn't address your concerns. He could've saved you from those ICU stays if only he'd listen. That was a really scary numbers your BP rate. OMG I'm so glad you and your handsome Lil Man pull through and shared this with us. Hopefully, more pregnant women will insist on their docs to listen even if it sounds silly.

    Happy Birthday for your son! Those pictures are so priceless! Enjoy your vacay :)

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  2. Lish....wow. Honey, thank you for sharing. That is amazing, and very scary. I'm so glad that everything worked out the way it did. Because Little Man is beautiful, has a wonderful mom, and I have a wonderful friend.

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  3. Lish, I am all teary....what a heartfelt post, and thank you for sharing with all of us. You write it in such a powerful way, and it's very scary AND also uplifting in the way that you add the amazing pictures at the end...wow.

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  4. Aw, I love this post of yours more than any other. It really gets to your heart...and little man's too.

    Neat to see your photography evolve as well over time. The soccer shot is my favorite. :)

    Happy birthday to you and Little Man!

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  5. your posts on Pokey and Little Man this week are so heartwarming. How scary to go through that experience with your first pregnancy. Happy Birthday to you, Pokey, and Little Man!

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  6. How scary! I had pre-eclampsia with both of my boys! I am so lucky they caught it before something like that happened! I am so happy that both of you ended up being O.K! Happy Birthday to your little man, I hope you all have an amazing adventure in Washington! I will keep my fingers crossed for you guys!

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  7. Wow, you were incredibly lucky! It so could have gone the other way! Enjoy your son's birthday!

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  8. My Dr listened to me, thank God. I had preeclampsia with my first, and they were on stand by for a C section.

    Scary times, makes you appreciate it when things work out.

    Beautiful post, Lish.

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  9. Thank you for sharing your birth story with us. Sorry to hear things did not work out so well as you would've wanted it but at least you all are here today, thanks to God.

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  10. sorry to hear about your bad birth experience but you both were/are survivors so kudos to you both. he is a gorgeous boy just like his mum! :)

    (you've been mentioned on my blog ;))

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  11. Oh, doctors do NOT like to listen to first time moms. Jerks.

    Glad you're both ok.

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  12. Beautiful photos, beautiful boy. Happy Birthday to him! (and beautiful girl the other day, too!)

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  13. Aww, Happy Birthday to your little man. Love all the sweet pics!

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  14. Wow, what an experience. Thank God that you're both here today. Love your photos! Happy birthday to your son!

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  15. wow. what an amazing birth. Happy birthday to your handsome son.

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  16. I love this tribute. And wish you could come and photograph my family!

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  17. What a birth story...oh my! Happy Birthday to your little man!!

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  18. Everything happens for a reason doesn't it? Thanks for sharing and happy bday to your not-so-little boy :)

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  19. What a sweet tribute. And what a scary birth story! The things women go thru for their children are amazing and SO difficult but the funny thing is that if we had to we'd do it all over again for them! Happy birthday little man!

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  20. What an amazing story! I'm so glad you and Little Man were okay. I love the pictures and the beautiful heartfelt post. Thanks so much for sharing this piece of your life and love with us! Absolutely beautiful!

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  21. wow! scary and it makes me mad for you that you had that near death experience that could have been avoided!!! omg.

    but what a powerful post and message for your little man! he is a beautiful boy and sounds like a great kiddo! Happy b-day to him!

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  22. And what a handsome little man he is! Life is so precious, and precarious...often taken for granted. Your experience is frightening and inspirational.

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  23. I love this post to the moon and back! I get all teary-eyed reading and watching pictures of little wee men turning into big boys. I know these pictures are in my future.

    Thank you for sharing. It was very personal, and you are very brave for putting it out there. Much love to you, momma!

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  24. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing and a very (belated) Happy Birthday to your beautiful little man.

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