Project Alicia : A sad story.

Friday, September 17, 2010

A sad story.

3 hours ago I was in a fetal position crying my eyes out like a baby. And longing to go back to those carefree days void of responsibilities and heavy burdens.

2 hours ago I just wanted to scream any and every profane word in any language known to mankind.

Now at this very moment as I sit to write I am void of all emotion. It has all been siphoned out of me and my brain appears to be misfiring. And is all sorts of messy.

You see, 2 days ago was supposed to be the end. The end of worry and fear. The end of stress and anxiety. The end of this never ending nightmare that has consumed our lives for the better part of 4 years now. And what has seemed like an eternity.

One bad decision at the exact wrong time will change your existence indefinitely and possibly alter your thinking forever.

This is all too reminiscent of my post written May 17th. You may remember when my husband declared, "You are Not Becoming" due to a swear word or two that may have slipped out in a weak moment of extreme frustration.

That was after the 2nd buyer walked. Here's an excerpt from that post:

We are by definition conservative. You know, the people who have college funds and a 401K, pay all our bills on time, have a 800+ credit score, who never take risks, and by all means don’t buy a house as an investment.

But we did. We took a risk for once in our lives. And never in our wildest dreams would we have foreseen all of this. Hindsight, right? Due to a series of bad decisions by politicians and bankers our economy is in a recession, hanging on by a thread. If you think it is getting better, go tell that to the appraisers in Utah. In the last 9 months we have waited for this short sale to be processed our home has decreased in value another 10%.

Today our buyers walked. There are better homes at better prices right down the road.

So, yes. I may have cursed. Who wouldn’t? These are expressive words that need to be used at times to properly and adequately convey our emotions. Who wants to keep all that bottled up inside anyways? Well, I for one don’t. And I don’t appreciate being judged. So, I'm "unbecoming" today. There are worse things.

I would love nothing more than to be rid of this weight that has been burdening me for way too long. This has been going on for several years now... everything from trying to sell out of state, to lease option flops, to renting nightmares, to refi attempts, to loan modification rejections, to a never ending short sale. And it is not over yet.

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Today our 3rd buyer that was already approved by the bank and was supposed to close 2 days ago walked because he couldn't get financing. He was 25 points short on his credit score, so we're told.

We have tried every step of the way to do everything right. We didn't want to be "those people" that gave up on a house. It is OUR responsibility. We tried to sell it without success for 9 months. Then we worked night and day to get tenants. We were losing $800+ per month (after lease payments) and couldn't seem to find any good tenants. After going through 3 different families and thousands of phone calls we finally realized it was a losing battle. We researched and explored alternative options. I lost sleep, trolled the internet at all hours of the day and night, and wrote letter after letter. But after being denied for both a refi and loan modification, we were out $50,000 on this house with no end in sight. The development was ridden with bank owned homes, only bringing our property value down by the day. Our HOA was sending us letters and fines on a regular basis and the fact that the home is located in Utah only further complicated matters.

So we did what any sane person would have done-- we hired a realtor to do a short sale. Then it took our bank 11 months to approve it. ELEVEN!! (Even though it is clearly stated in black and white print in their handbook that it is a 60 day process.) Since we started the process (well over a year ago now) we have had 3 buyers walk and our property value has plummeted to $100,000+ below market value.

If the short sale doesn't pan out we are faced with foreclosure which has much more dire consequences, being how upside down we are.

This truly is a nightmare. One that I can't wake up from as hard as I try. And I'm beginning to fear that it is all just one big conspiracy.

And if there is some greater lesson that we were to have learned from all this, I am convinced that we have extracted every possible one. It's time. Time to put us out of our misery already. Time to move on.
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For those of you who are joining me on my project smile, I apologize for being a bad example of smiles at the moment.

Life happens. And today called for a good old fashioned, hearty cry.

Not to worry. I'm a fighter, much to hub's chagrin. I will kick and scream and make all sorts of noise until this is DONE and OVER. And I will bounce back. I promise.

I'm off to find my smile.

46 comments:

  1. That's terrible. So sorry you are going through this...STILL! I know you will bounce back! Best of luck on your hunt!

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  2. :( :( :( I'm so sorry, Lish. I want so badly for this nightmare to be over with. Allow yourself to cry and be miserable. You'll come through the other side and find your smile again.

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  3. I am so sorry, darling girl.

    It's ironic isn't it? How difficult the bank makes it for people trying to do the right thing. How are people supposed to keep their heads above water with such ineptness.

    Stay strong. And cuss if you want to. A good cuss word at the right time is its own medicine.

    I'll be praying for you.

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  4. I really feel for you in this situation. I can't pretend that there are easy answers to the "why's" because...there just aren't easy answers. I'll be praying for you too. Hugs.

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  5. Oh, no! That is awful, horrible sucky business. I only hope there's another buyer - a real buyer - looking at your house online and making an appointment right now.

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  6. Hang in there. The road will always carry you when you feel it's crumbling under.

    Hang on....

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  7. I'm so sorry about your home...sigh...

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  8. Big hugs headed your way- and cuss all you want. I have a foul mouth also. my hubby doesnt love it. eh. who cares! it certainly relieves tension when used at the appropriate time!

    we bought the house we live in now on a short sale. it took the bank 8 months to give us an answer. it was absurd.

    This will come to an end eventually- and Im sending good thoughts your way that its sooner rather than later. and that you have the energy to put the whole pile of crap out of your mind for a while and find something to smile about.

    hang in there. drink some wine.

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  9. I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. What a huge trial for you and your family. I'll be keeping you in my prayers and hoping this all comes to a good ending soon.

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  10. Alicia I am so sorry you're having to go through this. No apology necessary. Things like this make us appreciate the day to day smiles all the more :)

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  11. sending a hug - a big one and the words to say - hang in there - just a bit longer - your smile will return!!!
    Thinking of you tonite.

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  12. I am so very sorry. ((hugs)) praying and thinking about you.

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  13. Dammit all, Lish (there, I cursed for you). I hate hearing this, hate that it follows you and steals your sleep and your smiles.

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  14. Breathe. And remember these 4 little words...

    Give. It. To. God.

    From now on, when anything with this home comes up just give it to God. Hand it over, pass it long; just take it off your hands, mind, and most importantly, your heart.

    Do not let your ego about failure or what is "proper" diminish your life as it has. The only thing that YOU are doing is making yourself miserable. Because the Universe already made up its mind, and the bank knows it gets the house one way or the other. You don't even like living in Iowa. Why are you giving this so much of your energy? I bet you even scrape a burnt piece of toast so you can still eat it.

    I'm not saying that you were ever wrong in your efforts to make things "right". But your fighting an economic riptide. Unfortunately, you may have just realized now that its a losing battle. And just like life, you'll have to swim out diagonally, and it'll take some time and you won't think your getting anywhere but stay focused on the beach hun. Stay focused on your family, where you are now and what is most important in your life. Because out of nowhere, you'll see your lifeguard. And you'll realize you aren't alone in this. Save a bit of embarrassment, you will all get thru this just fine.

    Scars may not be pretty, but they do add character. Take it on the chin and move on. And in the majority of states, foreclosure and even bankruptcy doesn't hold the pallor that it once did. Your credit will rebound and in ten years or less, gone from any record.

    And just so you know I'm not harping on you...my home is being auctioned September 24th, 2010. If you need an ear to vent; you have my email, feel free to use it anytime. Much love, find hugs from someone...and please, do not let this torture you anymore.

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  15. Whatever happens, hang in there! Just remember this too SHALL pass...
    Sending positive thoughts your way!

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  16. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

    Short sale negotiations is what I do for a living for my Dad's company and we have been doing it now for 11 years.

    I have worked with just about every single bank and would love to help you out.

    If you are interested email me beforethebabywakes@gmail.com
    :-)Alex

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  17. Sending tons of hugs your way through the internet. I sold a house at the beginning off this crisis and it was hell. Months it sat on the market. It was awful. I thought it would never sell. It finally did though. You are strong, you know it, I know it and your husband knows it. We are all allowed to cry, kick and scream when need be though.

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  18. No!! This is not happening! Our hearts are going out to you. I'm sooooo sorry this is dragging out yet further. Hopefully sharing your heartache has helped ease the pain, at least a little. xoxoxo

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  19. I'm so sorry1 It truly sounds like a nightmare!

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  20. Sweet~Girl!
    I think you need to run out into a WIDE open space....and SWEAR your beautiful blonde head off!
    I won't think it's UN~BECOMING at all! Pinky~PROMISE!
    Hugs to you!
    Hugs to you!
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxoxox

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  21. I am so sorry....may you have peace in the meantime as this thing gets figured out. Jer 29:11-12

    I know your pain... my husband borrowed against our home for his business many years ago and while the first is paid, this horrible burden lingers as his business continues to spiral downward with mounting debt and taking everything we have.. and we are too old to start over :(

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  22. I am so sorry about your house! I will keep you in my prayers. Hang in there, and remember you do have every right to be upset and sometimes letting yourself cry and scream and yell can really help as long as it isn't everyday! I really hope this will all end soon for you and your family! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

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  23. LOts of hugs!! A good cry only makes us stronger. It really sounds like a nightmare. I hope you get real honest closure soon.

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  24. I would have cried too. And used the most profound of profanities. I will cross my fingers for the speedy conclusion of this nightmare.

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  25. What a horrible situation! I'm sending smiles and prayers your way!!!!!

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  26. I'm so sorry. I think it's best to get it all out and vent sometimes. Hoping and praying for the best outcome for you guys.

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  27. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm praying!

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  28. Oh boy. I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. We also have a condo from my husbands first marriage that is in foreclosure. Same situation as you, he was young and given credit he didn't deserve. He didn't even have a JOB when he applied for the loan 6 years ago!! ugh.

    I just know that things will work out for you. Sometimes life just sucks. You will come out of this stronger than ever girlfriend. Cry, swear and do whatever you have to do to process.
    xoxoxo

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  29. Sometimes "sorrow is better than laughter because a sad face is good for the heart" Ecc. 7:3. I agree that this is something that needs to be mourned. At least, whatever happens, you can know that you did evertyhing you could!

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  30. Sheeesh...I don't know if can say anything that will make you feel better - but I will pray for an end to the mess - I am soooo sorry that you have had to go through this. Hugs to you dear girl - lots of hugs!!

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  31. When I first started reading your blog, you were in the midst of this crazy problem. I didn't hear much about it recently so I had assumed that you had found some tenants/buyers. I would have never guessed that it's still an on-going saga. I'm sooooo sorry for this mess that you have to go through. I really do understand since my parents (who are retired) went through this about a year ago. But keep your chin up because someone special will come along and just swoop that house from you. God always has a plan...even if we don't understand it. But I'm here if you ever want to kick, scream and cry...you can't be Miss Sunshine all the time!Much love, hugs, and prayers for you and your family.

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  32. Glad you shared from you heart and let yourself have a good cry. I will pray for your situation, you're not alone, many Americans, my family included are trying to figure out what to do.
    We are so in debt from medical bills, and our house won't sell after 2 different attempts, I'm unable to work with my disability, and my son's disability, long story, insurance company won't pay, BUT, GOD is BIGGER, HAS A PLAN TO PROSPER US even though days we can't see it, he knows the plan, Take care, much love sent your way.

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  33. You can cry, cuss, and vent all you want and we will listen! I don't know your whole situation but I've cried all summer about our situation. Me losing my job a year ago has completely strapped us financially and just this morning my husband gave me the big talk of what to do with our house. We haven't thought of selling because well the market is crap and we wouldn't get out what we paid so leaves me with debt! Plus I love our home and when I bought this I never dreamed we would be in this position that we might have to sell our home. When I bought the house I had zero debt and savings acct!! Now 3 years later after 2 job loss due to the economy life is very different at our house. The stress of that and trying to start my own business is enough to make me crazy some days! So I completely understand your feelings and I will pray that you guys find a buyer ASAP and that it all works out in your favor ;) cheer up and try to enjoy your weekend!

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  34. thinking happy, smiley thoughts for you and sending them your way!!!

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  35. I can't imagine living through that hell. I'm so, so sorry, Alicia! And it's to heartbreaking that you are so upset. I hope you find some kind of answer very, very soon.

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  36. I´m sending you lot´s of virtual hugs. This sounds terrible, especially because it´s such a long, neverending process that eats you up. My friend is in a similar situation, also trying to sell houses her father bought as an investement, and she inherited them, but their market value fell under the taxrate - tough to explain in english, but I remember holding her when she cried her eyes out. This is terrible, especially if the house in question once was supposed to be your home.

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  37. Hugs, my friend. So many people are dealing with the same issue right now that I know. I'm so sorry that it's been such a nightmare.

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  38. I will be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts for a well qualified, pays cash, buyer to knock on your door...

    So sorry, I have a real estate license and have seen this over and over...

    Horrible to drag this out for that long. Hang in there, as others said, this too shall pass.

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  39. I'm so sorry you are going through this nightmare!

    Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

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  41. I am SO sorry. That does sound like a nightmare. If it makes you feel any better we were going to sell our house to get out of our $1100/ month mortgage payment and just rent something closer to my husbands work for a few years while we saved up enough money to buy our dream home but unfortunately a house in our neighborhood foreclosed last year for $50k less than value so now our house is appeasing for $20k less than what we still owe on it. The depleting housing market is definitely one of the more frustrating things going on in the world right now. I just keep trying to tell myself that it is out of my control and that if God can move mountains then he can take care of us in this situation.

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  42. So sorry you guys are having to go through this! I spent the weekend trying to convince my husband that we should move to Utah, but he wasn't buying my game.

    We want to buy our first home, but the housing market is so wishy-washy right now that I'm afraid to take the risk. I'm thinking of you all and hope that all works out.

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  43. I am so sorry for your troubles and frustrations. What a nightmare. I hope your good cry helped and that you found your smile. Sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs your way!!

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  44. Alicia, Huge Hugs to you. My hubby was out of work for 2-1/2 years due to this crap economy and we struggled with our home as well. Due to the climate in mortgaging and housing, have you considered going to your bank and asking them to restructure your loan? If you walk, they lose everything, if you strike a deal with a payment you can afford, or ask them to create some form of plan based on any equity you had. It's surprising to know that most banks actually want you to stay in the home and whatever payment you are making is better than NONE. Big hugs! Alex

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